Friday, February 18, 2011

Hello everyone....

I have neglected this blog in a big way the last few weeks. I have had some emotional drama I have been dealing with that has not put me in the proper frame of mind to write, and even though I've ventured out and attended a few events, did not bring my camera or feel up for documenting it.

Sorry this is not a fun post, full of pictures of scores or good times and bands. I am just not in the proper frame of mind at the moment. I am excited about a few things these next few months and will be sure to document them.

My emotional drama stems from events in my past. I am 44 years old and feel like I have lived many lifetimes. I am a recovered alcoholic with over 19 years sober. There are still some unresolved issues from when I was drinking, and things from my past I have never resolved. They have been coming up for me this year. It makes me feel raw and makes me unsure of myself and the life I have created for myself. A life that I am very happy with. Those that know me personally, know that I am a very confident person who is at ease with anyone. I have a positive attitude and am the type of person who is not afraid to admit when she is wrong. I respect others, that are like me, and am the type of person who looks for good, not bad. A "glass half full" type of person.

I am not comfortable feeling vulnerable yet I have opened myself up to be that. Please forgive my absence while I am coping with this. I am trying to learn to forgive myself, again, for transgressions I made in my youth.


Tasha said...

It takes a strong person to recognize when she's make mistakes, and even stronger to accept them and eventually move forward, as damn hard as that can be sometimes.

I wish you all the best in dealing with the funky stuff that's come up for you again and hope you'll get back to your comfortable and confident self soon. :)

Anonymous said...

Thinking positive thoughts for you. Dealing with past unresolved issues is always difficult. I dont know you but I am proud of you for taking the step to stop drinking. I've known many people who could not stop. xoxo

Hope you start feeling more like yourself soon!

Dolly Cool Clare said...

Everyone makes mistakes when they are young - we have all done it. Its nothing to be ashamed of, and you are now older and wiser and have moved on from that time. I hope you resolve your issues and feel better about things soon :)

Straight Talking Mama! said...

oh hon I feel for you, I know how it is to doubt yourself despite being a generally confident person, do look after yourself, you are more important than keeping up with a blog. We'll be here when you're sorted.

Hope you get through it all soon



People who doesn't made mistake, do nothing in their lifes.
All the best for you.

Kisses from France.

Vintage Christine said...

Oh, yes, honey, I'm also one of those people who has a past that occasionally comes back to bite me. I just decided that nothing I did was wrong and hey, it made me the fabulous person I am today (snort). You hang in there and battle those old demons and I know you'll come out on top. Have been missing your cool posts but I totally understand the "having issues" thing. Smooches!!!!

Lola Devlin said...

Kisses for you today mama! Remember that you wouldn't be the amazing person you are today without the mistakes you made back then. We are here for you, always. xx

Mrs. Jeffries said...

Ah... how brave you are to put all this out in to the world! Everyone has a past but some just have more colorful chapters than others. The process of overcoming obstacles is character building. Take the time you need, the blogosphere can wait... but get that cloud outa your sky soon so you can get ready for Viva!

Sending you "Stranger Hugs"

kim said...


Tart Deco™ said...

Ah my dear- I could easily write a book from my past transgressions. Maybe 2. The most important thing is to realize that the decisions you made in the past were to protect your sanity (for whatever reason). Whenever I start to get down on my past choices I try to remember to treat myself the way I would treat a friend in the same circumstance- with loving kindness and tender strength. You deserve it!

Gabriella said...

Oh lady! You are one of the nicest most down to earth people I've met in a long time and whatever you did in your past, as uncomfortable as thinking about it might make you feel, had a hand in making you the awesome person you are today. And you really are truly awesome, ya know? I am horribly awkward and shy in most social situations but when I'm at my stand-in-the-corner worst, you always makes me feel at ease with your big smile and cheerful conversation. Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way.

MelBell said...

Kim just remember that you are fabulous! Everyone has made mistakes at some point or another so don't feel too down about it - it is a positive thing that you are working through them. *Hugs!* Mel xxx

Bitty Boss said...

Work it out girl! lol
Thank you for letting us in. If you can do 19 years sober then you are one strong chick. Rock that. Know your fierce-ness. This, too, shall pass.


Bitty Boss

Hell's Belle said...

I'm not typically a big comment-er, but this entry struck home. My mom was an alcoholic for nearly all my life, with a 5 year sober stint in there somewhere, and I want to just commend you for a) having the courage to share that with all of us and b) kicking alcoholisms ass for the last 19 years. I wish my mom had had your strength and accountability. Alcoholism seems to completely rob people of accountability. And with it, it takes your ability to forgive. Sounds to me like you are definitely owning your shit and that is, I think, the second hardest thing to do. But forgiveness is the most difficult, especially when it is YOU that you need to forgive. I've been carrying something like that with me for over 20 years and hope that I can one day forgive myself as well.
Thank you for this post. You can do it! (And if you can, that means I can too.) I'll be praying for you and hoping you mend your fences.

Anonymous said...

Oh my.
It must be in the wind.
I felt as though you were writing what's in my heart.
19 years sober.
Hmmm. I'm a little older than you...I can't say it's easy. Today I just cried while looking at the sky.
I forgive myself
And move onward.
A few steps back tonight...prayerfully
Morning will bring a new day... And a new chance to live this life :)
True love?
It always forgives :)
I'll keep in touch with you.
We are close... I'm Bay area as well.
Will email you if you'd prefer....

Anonymous said...

I had issues with my blog this morning and out of utter frustration I deleted it...and started another ;)
Fresh starts...I've had a few ;)
Hope today was a better day for you. Take it one day at a time, tend to some 'self-care' was sunny here today so I think you got some too. I know it did wonders for my disposition :)


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